I grew up in a family with only one parent, my mom. And now, my five kids are also getting used to having only me because their dad is not here. I threw him out of the house after twenty years of marriage and fifty or so mistresses later. Do not get me started on the illegitimate children. It is as if he is a fire extinguisher, blowing out his sperm to any woman who wants to catch it.
Well, enough of man-boys who cannot love a real woman and cannot be responsible for his family…
Anyway, I am the product of a single mom’s home. When you say “single mom,” expect the house to be messy and chaotic. As long as the mom puts food on the table and can manage the house and the kids, it should be enough. Do you know how hard it is to live without a partner that you can lean on? It is difficult, but it is doable. For the most part, the financial aspect of being a single mom is the struggle.
What I learned the hard way is that men will have their reasons as to why they cannot constantly provide for the kids. Unless you married a rich guy who does not mind giving you child support, most men will ghost you. And so, be ready for that. My ex-husband has a mother who pays for the private school education of the kids. She also pays for the utilities of the house my five kids live in but her mouth is all sorts of poison.
One time, she called my daughter (18 years old) and said that we “pensionados” (people who sit around and wait for their monthly pension to arrive) must control our use of light and water. I answered her with fire – Do not call me pensionado. Your privileged son is the one who is pensionado because you have to pay for school and utilities that are supposed to be his responsibility. It is a transaction between you and your privileged son, and so, do not talk to us that way. It is not our fault that your son is irresponsible.” She hung up. The next day, she sent money to all my kids to buy whatever they liked, a poor attempt to say sorry. The damage has been done, lady.
Was I mean to answer her that way? I guess, yes. But this woman is like her abusive son. They have bullied me for two decades and think they can still get away with it. I have lost so much here. He got me pregnant five times and promised me the whole world. And yet now, I have no home to call my own because he has no property. Everything is in the name of his mother. Where will I go? Nowhere. I need to start at 40 and that is twenty years late. Still, I have to do it.
A lesson for you, mom – even if you are married, make sure that the family home is in your name. Always fight for your right or else, you will end up like me. Homeless, moneyless, and husbandless. I guess I am a pensionado in a way because I get to stay in my ex-mother-in-law’s extra house for free because of the kids. Still, she has no right to belittle me.
One can’t resolve some things by simply going to family counseling. On rights and feelings, stand your ground but never be the instigator. If they kick you, kickback. Just show that you can and you will defend your single mom status. It is not an easy feat, especially for the children, but they will get used to it. Kids will adapt, and you will also be able to accept your new life.
It is okay, momma. You are loved. And God never fails to protect moms like us.