This article is a Part 2 blog on 21 Ways To Fix Your Marriage Problems Without Counseling. If you haven’t read the first part, it is highly suggested that you go there first and read it.
Anyway, this is the continuation with more tips on how to repair your marriage issues.
Communicate Your Needs
“Share your feelings. Share that you want to feel close to your partner and how important they are to you,” Stuart B. Fensterheim, LCSW said.
You and your partner are not psychics or mind readers. If you need or want something, make sure to tell your spouse. No matter how much you two know each other, you still need to say to each other what’s in your mind.
Talk And Touch Are Necessary Especially When Fixing Fights
Sincerity is vital in a marriage and also in fixing fights. Big arguments that happen are just actually a build-up of small discussion that got dragged onto extended periods. Be sincere when talking about these little arguments and do them consistently.
Think back on what your spouse would like as a gift. Give your spouse gifts from time to time to remind him or her that you still have their interests in mind. Buy these gifts to shower your spouse with appreciation. He or she will feel important.
Change For The Better And For Yourself
Yes, fixing a marriage requires two people to act but that doesn’t mean you can’t take the initiative to fix it. Waiting for each other to make a start will end up in you two waiting for forever. Make the first move this time.
Get Involved With Each Other
One of the major problems in marriages is the lack of connection between you and your spouse. Get involved in their lives to reconnect. Take some time to visit each other at work or meet with your friends. Involve each other’s opinions in making decisions.
Deal With Your Problems Privately
It might seem tempting but value your privacy. Don’t talk to people about your problems. They can’t help you because you are the one who will decide on what to do. Only you can help yourself and your spouse.
Stop The Blaming
Don’t blame everything on your spouse. The problems happened because you had a hand in it too. Think of what you could have possibly said and why you said it and consider these things to know if you still want to fix the marriage.
Marriage Is A Two-Way Street And So Is Fixing It
An open communication almost always prevents marriage problems, and therefore it can also save marriage problems. Reach out and discuss your marriage. Make sure that the two of you are willing to listen to each other because that’s important in saving your relationship.
If the situation is too hot for the moment, walk away and then regroup when everything has settled. No hotheads. “Doing so can allow you to not only calm down, but also to avoid worsening the situation by saying something in haste,” said Anna Osborn, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist.
Make All The Necessary Effort
As much as fixing your marriage is a two-way street, you can also save it by making an effort on your own. Sometimes, one’s effort can be big enough to keep the marriage.
Stop Asking The Wrong Questions
Stop asking yourself whether you married the wrong person. Marriage isn’t luck, it’s a choice. It isn’t about finding the right person; it’s about loving the person you chose so you can fit each other.
Absence Doesn’t Make The Heart Grow Fonder
In marriage, absence tends to worsen things. It creates distance and separates people, which is the opposite of what you would want to achieve.
Practice The Art Of “Time Out”
There are times when talking about your problems will only lead to more arguments. Learn how to speak through actions instead and know what to discuss and what not to.
Marriage Counseling Can Help But It’s Not Always The Answer
Counseling doesn’t fix marriages in a snap. The couple must also make an effort to repair their marriage since counseling can provide tips on how to do it. But the effort is yours and yours alone.
Rinse And Repeat
Like how Rome wasn’t built in a day, your marriage can’t be fixed overnight. It takes time, and there will be tears, but there will also be happiness. It’s not easy, and it can be a push and pull scenario. Just don’t give up.
What will matter in the end is how you use these tips and strategies. Marriage isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Actively reach for each other and show each other that you still care about this marriage.
To add, “All couples can benefit from learning skills that are taught in couples therapy. That’s because these skills focus on cultivating a deep connection between partners and resolving conflict without shame or blame. And that helps all relationships,” says Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.