There will come a time that you will encounter a problem with your marriage. That’s fine and normal, and everyone experiences it.
What matters though is how you respond to that fight as it will determine whether you and your spouse will become stronger than ever or if you will let it assess your marriage. In fact, there was a statistics that showed how about 60% of the marriages that encountered problems ended up in divorce.
“Premarital counseling is a great way for people to do their homework about the most important decision they are ever going to make so that they can go into it armed with skills that are going to be very helpful,” couples therapist Scott Braithwaite said.
He also mentioned that premarital counseling revealed that those who wanted to get married are hindered in doing so prematurely, which decreases the likelihood of divorce by 50%.
The statistics are scary, and no one wants to be part of that 60%. However, despite the efforts of some couples to not be part of those statistics, some marriages are beyond saving. But there are still many that can be saved from being part of the 60% and be fixed.
It doesn’t matter who started it or who’s at fault, playing the blame game does nothing to help in these situations.
“In a culture that often praises having a thick skin and staying strong and self-contained, we mistakenly brush off being vulnerable as weak. We believe it will unnecessarily expose us to hurts and humiliations we could otherwise avoid,” says clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, PhD. She explains that approaching your spouse with “vulnerability,” it will make your marriage stronger.
But does it always happen?
Take A Good Look At Yourself
Sometimes to help de-escalate a situation, it’s good to take a step back and look at yourself and ask questions. Did you say words that hurt your partner? What was it that you did to harm your relationship? Are you treating your spouse like he’s the most important person in your life or did you stop doing that? Worry not because you can still fix this.
Reflect on what could improve your marriage and if you really want to fix it. If you do, then look back on what you love about your spouse. Treat him as if you just fell in love and are going on your first date. You’ll be surprised at how this can help much.
“Emotional availability is about overtly letting your partner know that nothing is more important than how the two of you feel about one another,” said Stuart B. Fensterheim, LCSW, a marriage and family counselor.
Remember Your Vows
Remember that day you stood in front of each other in front of the priest or whoever was conducting your marriage. Remember the sweetest words you told them. Try to re-write your marriage vows and use them to see what your marriage is missing.
Did you do what you promised to do? Did you fulfill your promises? Are you still doing them? Then ask yourself, why weren’t you able to act on those vows? What can you do to practice those vows again?
Form A Picture Of Your Ideal Marriage
Try to envision what you want your marriage to be. Imagine the qualities you want to see and what you want to happen in your marriage. What was it that your marriage lacked and in what way do you want to be a part of it? Then try to make your vision come true.
Make Solving Your Marriage Problems A Priority
If a problem or argument ensues, make sure to resolve it immediately. Don’t go to sleep with a fight still unresolved. Take some time with your spouse to sort out decisions that would cause potential arguments. Talk about who would run errands. Discuss the chores.
Cultivate New Interests
Couples who experience marriage problems are often ones who become preoccupied to the point of forgetting their spouse’s feelings into consideration. Always be supportive of what your spouse wants to do even if it’s not your thing.
Physical contact is always important in marriages. Not having one can lead to the both of you losing affection and being distant. Try to give your spouse a tight hug and kiss every day. And not just the barely-there cheek kisses. Give your spouse a tight and passionate kiss. Have some time cuddling each other. Sexual intimacy is important too and if you don’t feel like doing it, make sure that you two still have time to have intimate encounters.
Spend Quality Time With Each Other
A lot of the times, problems appear because couples can’t spend quality time with each other. Always find ways to bond with your spouse. Do activities that both of you will enjoy.
There is a second part to this blog with more ways to fix your problems in a marriage. It’s coming out soon. Watch out for it! Thanks for reading!